Halotherapy: Take it with a grain of salt.

**For you gamers out there, not that kind of Halo therapy.

My local newspaper recently advertised that the newly opened Salt Spa on my street was giving free trial sessions. I love trying new stuff, especially free stuff so I called for an appointment right away.

Online, this looked interesting.

"Salt Therapy or Halotherapy is a 100% drug free therapy that utilizes dry aerosol of salt micro particles and minerals to treat a bunch of respiratory and joint issues."

I don't think a hangover counted as respiratory and joint issues, but I booked my appointment for the morning after K&S's wedding. I walked into the Spa, which had typical 'spaliness' to it...low furniture, scented air, the CD's you listen to from the sampler at the drug store. I began to relax already.

The owner took me for a tour of the salt cave rooms. When she bought this property, she had people come in, hotglue the wall and threw a bunch of rock salt on it. Whatever stuck was then baked on with lamps, then voila - a salt cave.

This is somehow meant to resemble the beach. Apparently this is the new it thing in Eastern Europe. I guess in Siberia, this is what the beach would look like.

I first got a glimpse of the children's cave. How to describe it.......a solitary confinement cell on the moon with Ikea furniture. In seeing my expression of sheer horror, the owner smiles and assures me that Halotherapy is even safe for newborns.....riiiight.

She then sets me up in the adult salt cave. I took off my shoes. The floor was crunchy with rocksalt. 'Like the beach' the owner giggled. Riiiiiight.....like the beach. Is that blood on my ankle?
I was seated in one of the eight Muskoka chairs along the room. I was glad I was the only one in there. Before she scurried away, the owner asked me if I had any musical preference.

'I wouldn't mind any Pet Shop Boys'

I guess that wasn't what she had in mind because she countered that with, Bells, Faraway Lands and Rainforest.

I felt like a nerd. I got Faraway Lands.

The Muskoka chairs reclined. They were comfy. I only had 3 hours of sleep, so it was nice. Green lights danced around the walls like fireflies. I'm horrible at relaxation. It's part of the reasons I suck at yoga. The booming subway below was making it even harder to settle down. So I sat there. Watching green lights. Trying to feel, smell or taste the salt. Wondering if salt was penetrating into my skin. Musing about doing a tequila shot on my own arm.

I didn't taste or smell a thing.

25 mins later, I emerged from the room. The owner asked me how I felt. Well, I told her the subway was a little disruptive. 'Think of it as your personal tsunami and work it into your meditation.' Nice try lady. Good cover for picking a bad location for a business.

Overall, I did feel somewhat more relaxed, but that was due to the music, reclining chair and dark room more than the rocksalt wallpaper.

I don't buy it.